| I guess I'll never understand. & thats why I'm a girl and your a boy... |
[entries|friends|calendar] |
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::*Sweet like a Kiss*:*Sharp like a Razor Blade*::
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[Thursday
January 5th,2006 @6:20pm] |
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mood |
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 to be or not to be... |
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my step dad playing a WWE wrestling gizzame |
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lmao.
kind of a funny story this is you see,
I fell down the stairs today in school.
I had a terrible morning due to getting ignored & having no friends in my first period & as me & bee to the pee were walking down the harmless staris & i was saying "today has been the worst day of my life" I slide down about 7 stairs & hurt my back really badly.
you see it had already hurt before but noww it hurts wayyy worse.
haha it must have looked funny though, just ask Beepee.
lmao
oh & idk haha
dammit.
"it's only human to never be satified"
correct?
"well i guess i'm as human as the next one"
cause i keep looking i keep searchin for, i keep looking for something more, i always wonder whats on the other side of the number 2 door"
lmfao
kayy i'll stop repeating a song now.
but in other words i'm trying to tell you that 'm having second thought about Cole. yes i know what your all thinking "okay why do i bother reading this, she is so perdictable" "she always does this" lmao well guess what! i know :(
GRRRR*ROAR*
I suck at love!
welllllllll, any words of wisdom from my wonderful fiends to help me out??
lol
<3good*night
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[Monday
January 2nd,2006 @7:56pm] |
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mood |
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TBS |
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I'v had a freakin awesome night!
& to think that I ever doubted this.
Cole Tesh is AMAZING.
through everything.
I had a deep converstaion with him last night about Evan.We talked from 9 til' 5:30. He understands me completly. & he cares & NO ONE has ever honestly cared like that.
:)
me saying all this i'm sure to u just sounds like another entrie about a boy. so me even tring to explane this idk I still don't think i'll get my point across.
but I Love Him
& thats all I have to say about that.
yay! I love my friends & the year is going to be SSOOO awesome I can feel it. new & old friends & new awesome boyfriend!!
this is wonderful I can't wait to see what is ahead of me this year!
good luck to all of you who read this.
I love you all
& good luck this yeare wihtneverything you do.
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
Erika
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| Some will win, some will lose, some were born to sing the blues. ♥ |
[Wednesday
December 21st,2005 @11:58am] |
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 accomplished |
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Journey-don't stop believin' |
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Dear people who care about me,
ya know...
all this time I'v been so focused on what I don't have.
I have a hard time getting used to change,
but since I wrote that last entire, things have really been turning around for me,
sometime I swear I can be soo pitiful.
I havn't lost my friends at all, although they might not be around as much, they are always around.
& even without that I have made a bunch of new friends that I can count on too, & I have also became closer with some people, who last year were just acquaintances.
okay so to all of my friends, thank you for making an effort to show me that I am still your friend & you havn't forgotten me
& to all my new friends, thank you for everything
for those of you who knew me last year & the year before that, I always wonder if you have seen what a turn around I have done. I went from being the EMOEST kid in the world to what feels like the happiest one. some say that they got along better with me when i was all emo, but back then I def. wasn't happy. there was always stress & drama, back then I starved for attention & I lost alot of everything. everytime just one of my friends were mad at me, they all were, I lowered my standards sooooooo much & I'm finally seeing how ridiculous that was, & pretty much all of it was for a boy.
in the past two years, I have..really found God, had awesome friends, mended old friendships, fell in love, I'v found what I'm looking for in life & I'm HAPPY! I have goal & priorities & all I'm doing is living life & just having fun with it.
I love the person I have become. I love how I treat people & myself. I mean of course there is always room for improvemtent but form what i was, to what i am is amazing, I think.
I think the major reason I'v decided to write this besides my friends makeing me realize I'm not alone, is because of my family, for example, I look at my sister & she is acting JUST like I used to, she is soooo starved of attention & lowering her standards for a guy & It really makes me sad, & now I really understand why all of my friends turned there back on me at one point, & honestly I don't really blame you, when I try to help my sister it's like talking to a wall, it seems hopeless, like she'll never learn so most of the time i just give up.
now don't get me wrong, not all of my friends turned their backs on my & to those people I thank you SSOOOOOO very much. but most did & thats okay too, i'm just not going to thank you. lol.
but honestly,
all of my friends. I wish you all the best of luck in the world & years to come & I hope we will always be friends. I love you all with all my heart. & thank you for everything!
Love,
Erika
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| Left to save the world. |
[Friday
December 2nd,2005 @8:59pm] |
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mood |
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 sad |
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music |
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idk some sad song. |
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I'm in such a bad mood & I don't know why.
It's not PMS.
& I have no reason to be mad, it's just like everone seems to be getting on my nerves.
I keep putting myself down & acting all EMO & I hate it.
I'm really worried about everyone. In my family & my friends.
& I keep feeling like everyone is leaving me. idk everything feels soo distance.
since highschool started everything has changed.
the friends i had in 8th gared arn't really my friends anymore.
3 that bother me extremly badly is Kayla H., Brittany Bennett, & Alex Bogaert.
Kayla just seems like she's gotten too cool for me.
Brittany makes me feel worthless, like she has no time for people like me.
& Alex, idk i LOVE her with all my hreart. i love all of them with all my heart but everytime me & Alex talk about hanging out it just never happens.
I know that throughout my life I have mad ALOT of wrong choices, expecally regarding my friends, but throughout these experiences I have learned wrong from right & what to do & what not to do. & it's starting to seem like people won't give me another chance for me to prove that i'v changed.
lately I'v been feeling like I can't do anything right. & I know thats not true. but at the end of the day, no matter how good the hours before were, I always end up feeling like crap.
idk. maybe I just need someone to talk to.
I need to get out of this house & off of this computer.
I'm not used to change & everything has just changed so fast.
I wish everything was how it used to be.
I miss feeling content.
If you think you could help me possibly. please reply.
All My L♥Ve & Good Night,
Erika
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| thanksgiving update |
[Thursday
November 24th,2005 @11:28pm] |
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mood |
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 hopeful |
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Gary Allan: best I ever had♥ |
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heyy ya'll
Kayyyyyy
I just realized that I MISS LJ!
It's thanksgiving. & i ate alot.
I hadn't talked to Evan in about a month & i talked to im today & yesterday. & i really miss him.
I think tomarrow i'm either hanging out wiht Cole & Catlin & some kids at the movies OR i'm going to Sam's house.
can;t wait.
i'v been really stressed ouit lately but things seem to be getting better.
I made a new few new friends :)
Today i give thanx to ANYONE & EVERYONE who was ever there for me in any way! my family, my firends & anyone who touched my life. I LOVE YOU GUYS SOOOO MUCH. TO MY FIRENDS WHO ARE GOING TO READ THIS: you honestly have NO idea how much ya'll mean to me! & i doubt you will ever understand. just know that i love ya'll & care about ya'll ALOT! :) ♥
<font size=+3>&hertas; Happy Thanksgiving ♥ I Love You All ♥
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| dasndaoida BESST day ever! |
[Tuesday
November 1st,2005 @7:24pm] |
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mood |
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 loved |
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music |
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my sister singing in the shower haha |
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Ummmmmmmmmmm
I havn't been on this thing in like a year!
lol
weird.
I used to be soo obcesses with LJ.
I thought I'd just update ya'll.
TODAY was absolutly awesome!
<center>I really like Austin. & he likes me back. & I really like that. lol.
um.. as for Evan, I havn't talked to him. & i'm not even sure if he's still alive. if anyone knows where he is, can someone please update me on how he is since he won't.
um.. i'm over Evan, imean i havn't forgetten him & i still care about him, but i really want to persue a relationship with someone else *cough*cough* <s>Austin</s> lol.
hm.. I'd say things with me are going really good.
& I'm happy.
& I just want everyone to know that I REALLY FING LOVE MY FRIENDS WITH ALL MY HEART!
<center>♥
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| ♥ ♣ ♠ ♥ ♣ ♠ ♥ ♣ ♠ ♥ ♣ |
[Thursday
September 29th,2005 @7:35pm] |
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mood |
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 ♥mmmmhhhhmmmmm♥ |
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fhkjxuhsdnvmVhvkjuifnvkjhui |
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.okay so let me update you.
Me&Evan broke up. kinda sad but it's def. for the better.& we both agree.
I dont' really like anyone. I think I kinda have a crush on Will. lol Evan friend.but idk
I just like attention.
tehe
but yeah... I'm still going to homecomming with Evan & I still love him :) still.
Will is going to NC tomarrow & he is going to be gone all weekend & I'm sad.& he is grounded so I can't talk to him tonight.
lol but anyway...friend life & family life is good.
school is gay & I'm soo excited that tomarrow is Friday! *yay football game* & *homecomming*
ugh.. I'm all out of things to say.
♥
good night**
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[Saturday
September 10th,2005 @10:03am] |
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mood |
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party like a rock star |
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music |
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ESPN football |
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okay..
soo No party at Kayleigh's house lol
<3
well the show is still going on right????
I'm SSOO excited!!!!
?????who all is going??????
k all me friends kinda need to go please!!!!
lol as soon as i woke up i poped up & said to my little sister "show today, show today show today!"
:D
i
v been talking about this thing for like fvhsbvklfiov EVER
:)
& i don't even knw why i'm so excited!
hm.. Does Evan know that Kayleigh isn't having her party??
like i said he went to ome hotel party last night & i don' know where he is now. he was supposed to go to the show, but after he got mad at me, i'm not sure if he is going any more :(.
Well If anyone talks to him can you please tell him to go to the show?
alrighty.
well...
see ya'll later
<3333333
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| Regrerts are a waste of time. |
[Friday
September 9th,2005 @8:45pm] |
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mood |
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worried |
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a movie. A sweet, Romantic movie. |
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hhmmmmmmmm.
well bordom.
I thought about getting on this thing & updating one of my latest poems but then I changed my mind.
I'm probably going to go to Kaleigh's party & the rock show tomarrow. I REALLY hope Evan goes.
we kinda had a "hard time" today. & now he is at some hotel party with God knows who. I'm SO worried about him... BlAh
Well, i hope everyone was a great weekend.
<3
good nite
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[Saturday
September 3rd,2005 @10:36pm] |
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mood |
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mmmmmhmmmmm |
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music |
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Ashlee Simpson/the used/tbs/the beach boys. nicka |
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wow.
I just noticed how old things get.
i used to write in the thing ALL the time!
I'd never miss a day!
it's crazy!
*nothing* ever happens thought so it seems pointless to write about a bunch of nothing.
hm.. i'm ganna try & write in this thing more often.
well if your wondering, me & Evan are doing good. & i'm just really hoping that this time things turn out different. but I guess we'll see. so far not much has changed. unfortunatly. we got into our first argument yesterday. it seems all too familar. & guess who started it?.....me.
hmm in other news. my dad might be moving back!!!!!! YAY
& me & all my friends that were drifting, arn't anymore KTHANX BRITTANY BENNETT :D
it's really cool. & i'm so happy :D
OHHHH Laguna Beach! lmao. DUDE I kinda LOVE that sh-crap!
hm.. Stephanie Anne May is at my house & we were just at my cousins 4th birthday party :D it was fun.
*SPECIAL ANNONCMENT*
to Meagan copeland & Brittany Bennett*
soory i couldn't go to the movies & to Meagan's house! I tried & i couldn't conger up any money. & i'm really sorry, i don't want ya'll to think I ditched ya'll or something! we all have to hang out soon though. :( *sorry again*
hmmkay.
Good nite ya'll
lmfao.Dieter.puke.
<3
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| best day in a long time** |
[Saturday
August 27th,2005 @1:12am] |
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mood |
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loved/tired/calm/ecstatic <3 |
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TBS |
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Ugh. kinda going out with Evan Robert Wilder!
soo excited for that lol!
today was a REALLY good day & it sucked
*Evan tricked me& acted like he wasn't going to ask me out & I was mad at the world 2 & 3rd period until I saw him going into 4th & he asked me you :D & then I got home & I had to clean but the plus side is my awesome cousins came down, we went to the fish tank & the chicken pen lmao. long story. but yeah it was GREAT*
<3 August 26th 2005 <3
dude I missed Degrassi!! someone fill me in please!
k this is donzO
*good night*
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| pointless |
[Wednesday
August 17th,2005 @8:36pm] |
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mood |
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 apathetic |
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music |
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hide & seek |
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It kinda hurts to breath
& it's like nothing I do works.
plane & simple.
I just want *him* back forever.
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[Saturday
August 13th,2005 @5:20pm] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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music |
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haha Avril |
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I feel betray & useless
when nothings wrong
try to cheer myself up
reality is,
it's all gone.
writing pointless poems
drownding in self pitty
lying to myself
& feeling oh so shitty :)
this is the first time
i've ever felt this lonely
with so much to say
& only myself to blame
it seems everyones forgotten
but of what i'm still unsure
just another day,
laying half dead on the floor,
& I don't care anymore.
thats my emoness.
& i'm mad. kinda.
hm.. no use in fretting about it.
<3
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| have a nice day |
[Sunday
July 31st,2005 @6:19pm] |
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mood |
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 flirty |
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music |
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people talking |
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*Orientation*
1st-English 1 with Wiliomson
2nd-- Earth & space science honors with Whitt
3rd--- Algibra 1a with dunno
&
4th---- Drawing & painting with dunno
I'm *SO* excited for skool!
Steph went with me. we saw Ryan, Jeffery, Luke, Cory, Evan Wilder, Sam Tilton, && gosh EVERYONE!
Evan is so flipping tall & skinny!! lol Luke cut his hair, looks pretty good. Jeffery, matured ALOT, quite cute. Cory, matured too :) Ryan, dude he got taller!! hmm what a hottie. no one really changed all that much.
OH & i cute my hair today. again. pretty cute.
um.. k excited.
ganna go now
comment if u have any of my classes!
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| it's just another bullet to the heart. but i'm no dead yet NIGGA * |
[Saturday
July 30th,2005 @10:33pm] |
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mood |
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Where do babies come from? |
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music |
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lmao hm... I wonder ^^ |
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okay well i'm finally ungrounded.
I went to the mall wiht Stephanie today & had some fun. met some boy named Gaven.
& now we r just haning out & my mom & step dad are doing it or someing lmao EW i can hear them
kinda sick. but anyway...within a 2 week period nothing is going on! I talked to Evan Wilder a few times & i'v written alot lately but other then that nothing.
I got all my skool clothes & i'm so stoked for this new year.
lmao *.I think i'm in love.*
okay now the screaming stoped.
ganna go read me new Harry Potter book.
have a nice day.
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| Live. Learn. Love. Life. |
[Saturday
July 23rd,2005 @1:35pm] |
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mood |
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 have a nice day |
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FOB |
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mmhhmm kay.
I hate boys.
I love Evan Wilder.
I love Staphanie May. I love Alexandra Bogaert. I love Brittany Bennett. I love Samantha Tilton. I love Brianne Martin. I love Jenai at the moment i can't remember her last name. I love Kathleen McGrisken. I love Ryan Hayden. I love Stephanie Bogaert. I love Alicia N. I love Kayla Hornstein. I love Catie Pizzetta.I love Ana U. I love all my 7th grade buddies. & I pretty much love all my friends. lol
I love food. & I love to flirt. I love to have fun & do crazy/stupid things.
I hate it when parents ground you for something stupid! but I love my parents & family.
I love church & I hate to read.
I love the beach* & big wide open spaces.
I love contry music & rock&roll, Ashlee simpson is my idol
my favorite color is Red, it reminds me of blood.
I love tv. Laugina beach & Degrassi & The Ashlee Simpson show *rock my sox*
I love animals! I'd die for a horse! I have 3 dogs. 1 cat. 1 rooster. & 1 duck!
I love to fish & hunt & go mudding. but i love the AC :)
I love making new friends. & I tend to burp alot.
I'm very open & outgoing. I say what I think unless it's really mean.
I goal in life to to have fun & I cherrish ever breath taking moment I find.
I love writting. poetry. song. anything. & i'm quite creative. I love to draw & when i grow up i want to be a singer & have a rock star boyfriend :)
I'v been in love & I still am.
&& I don't know exactly why i'm writting all this. I guess I just felt like it.
well.. I'm ganna go now i'm all out of things to write.
.::<3::.
comment please
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| I dream about this very moment. |
[Tuesday
July 19th,2005 @4:39pm] |
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mood |
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 chipper |
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music |
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fallout boy. |
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hey ya'll
Stephanies party was AWESOME!
but right after i got grouded & i'm grounded until' the 30th!!
so i won't be on for a while.
so leave me alot of comments so i'll actuall;y have something to do when i get back on.
well I like Chris :) :) :)
oh & Evan Wilder called me today. :( :( i told him i still loved him.
well only a few more weeks til' skool. i'm kinda excited. i wonder who is going to be in my classes. i think i'm going skool shopping tomarrow.
okay well have a nice day everyone.
& i love u all.
.::<3::.
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| .::Tomarrows another day. & I'm thursty anyway. So bring on the rain::. |
[Thursday
July 14th,2005 @2:26am] |
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mood |
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crushed |
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music |
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Andy Griggs/JoDee Messina/Fallout Boystuff that makes me sad |
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It's offical
I love him.
It's been 4 months since we broke up & still I cry almost as hard as when it first happened.
& still I insist on making myself cry more. that one song. I insist on downloading it. it makes me cry.
the first time i'v cryed in about 2 months. & through all this crap thats going on with my family which none of my friends know the whole story to, all I want is to be with him.
I just found out they broke up, on the fourth. & I just found out like 3 days ago from Trae.
Yeah I know, make up your mind right? well I can't! I get these little crushes like Chris & Emerick (who I don't even know!) & Ethan. but in the end my mind always ends up on the same person.(& if u can't figure out who it is, u got some problems)
I just need something. anything I can hold on to. I'm falling apart. "& no body knows it but me"
.ganna go cry myself to sleep.
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| *beach* beach *Jared *Chris* have a ball. moseltop. |
[Tuesday
July 12th,2005 @8:35pm] |
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mood |
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 numb |
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music |
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fallout boy-sugar were goin' down. |
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I went to the beach with my sister yesterday. & saw Jared & Dixon & hung out.
I went to the beach with my sister & Stephanie May today. saw Jared & Chris & hung out with them from like 11:30 til 3:30. we had SO much fun!!!!! I think I like Chris. he has to get brain surgery. :( but I hope he gets out okay because I really love hanging out wiht him.
It was just like last time when Jared & Steph were going out & me & Chris kissed :D I love hanging out with them! it is so much fun & I'm so comfortable around them, there like my brothers except hot & I'd date them hahaha.
Me & Steph decided that we share everything except a tooth brush hahaha dude I love that girl! haha awe JT. lmao.
dude i'm burnt like a lobster.
yess Stephanie's party is Saturday!! i'm so excited!
everything is going GREAT! except stuff with my parents. but we won't talk about that.
*hm.. Emerick...Chris....this is so exciting!*
I love that I am able to finally have fun & live my life like I'v always wanted!
but there is always a down fall........
good nite.
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| .like a chicken with it's head cut off. *you giving my a heart attack* |
[Saturday
July 9th,2005 @11:24pm] |
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mood |
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...somewhere out there. |
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music |
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I know your out there... |
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*okay my eyes are officially addicted to Visine.*
& me & Brianne are offically friends again, something has gotten into her but I hope it stays. maybe it's the movie. haha
we talked & she helped me & I know what I want & i'm not going to let anything stop me :) ::thanx Brianne::
in other news..
I like being single. But I want something more...
my EmoKidWish of th year is to find a guy that I become really good friends with & us end up falling in love & living happily ever after. *sigh*
ppshh. like that will ever happen....... (well it definately won't if i tell myslef it won't) *sorry a little out loud persuasion*
I just wish that for once, the next guy I got out with won't lie to me! I tell them all, "all I want is honesty". & of course for them to care, & I havn't seen it yet.
..............good nite...............
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