I guess I'll never understand. & thats why I'm a girl and your a boy...

makeawishemokid @ 2006-01-05T18:20:00

2006-01-05T23:22:56Z

lmao.
kind of a funny story this is you see,
I fell down the stairs today in school.

I had a terrible morning due to getting ignored & having no friends in my first period & as me & bee to the pee were walking down the harmless staris & i was saying "today has been the worst day of my life" I slide down about 7 stairs & hurt my back really badly.
you see it had already hurt before but noww it hurts wayyy worse.

haha it must have looked funny though, just ask Beepee.

lmao
oh & idk haha
dammit.
"it's only human to never be satified"
correct?
"well i guess i'm as human as the next one"

cause i keep looking i keep searchin for, i keep looking for something more, i always wonder whats on the other side of the number 2 door"
lmfao
kayy i'll stop repeating a song now.

but in other words i'm trying to tell you that 'm having second thought about Cole. yes i know what your all thinking "okay why do i bother reading this, she is so perdictable" "she always does this" lmao well guess what! i know :(

GRRRR*ROAR*
I suck at love!

welllllllll, any words of wisdom from my wonderful fiends to help me out??

lol
<3good*night

♥

2006-01-03T01:33:35Z

I'v had a freakin awesome night!

& to think that I ever doubted this.

Cole Tesh is AMAZING.

through everything.

I had a deep converstaion with him last night about Evan.We talked from 9 til' 5:30. He understands me completly. & he cares & NO ONE has ever honestly cared like that.

me saying all this i'm sure to u just sounds like another entrie about a boy. so me even tring to explane this idk I still don't think i'll get my point across.

but I Love Him

& thats all I have to say about that.

yay! I love my friends & the year is going to be SSOOO awesome I can feel it. new & old friends & new awesome boyfriend!!

this is wonderful I can't wait to see what is ahead of me this year!

good luck to all of you who read this.

I love you all

& good luck this yeare wihtneverything you do.

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Erika

Some will win, some will lose, some were born to sing the blues. ♥

2005-12-21T16:58:48Z

Dear people who care about me,

ya know...

all this time I'v been so focused on what I don't have.

I have a hard time getting used to change,
but since I wrote that last entire, things have really been turning around for me,

sometime I swear I can be soo pitiful.
I havn't lost my friends at all, although they might not be around as much, they are always around.
& even without that I have made a bunch of new friends that I can count on too, & I have also became closer with some people, who last year were just acquaintances.

okay so to all of my friends, thank you for making an effort to show me that I am still your friend & you havn't forgotten me

& to all my new friends, thank you for everything

for those of you who knew me last year & the year before that, I always wonder if you have seen what a turn around I have done. I went from being the EMOEST kid in the world to what feels like the happiest one. some say that they got along better with me when i was all emo, but back then I def. wasn't happy. there was always stress & drama, back then I starved for attention & I lost alot of everything. everytime just one of my friends were mad at me, they all were, I lowered my standards sooooooo much & I'm finally seeing how ridiculous that was, & pretty much all of it was for a boy.

in the past two years, I have..really found God, had awesome friends, mended old friendships, fell in love, I'v found what I'm looking for in life & I'm HAPPY! I have goal & priorities & all I'm doing is living life & just having fun with it.

I love the person I have become. I love how I treat people & myself. I mean of course there is always room for improvemtent but form what i was, to what i am is amazing, I think.

I think the major reason I'v decided to write this besides my friends makeing me realize I'm not alone, is because of my family, for example, I look at my sister & she is acting JUST like I used to, she is soooo starved of attention & lowering her standards for a guy & It really makes me sad, & now I really understand why all of my friends turned there back on me at one point, & honestly I don't really blame you, when I try to help my sister it's like talking to a wall, it seems hopeless, like she'll never learn so most of the time i just give up.
now don't get me wrong, not all of my friends turned their backs on my & to those people I thank you SSOOOOOO very much. but most did & thats okay too, i'm just not going to thank you. lol.

but honestly,
all of my friends. I wish you all the best of luck in the world & years to come & I hope we will always be friends. I love you all with all my heart. & thank you for everything!

Love,
Erika

Left to save the world.

2005-12-03T02:02:40Z

I'm in such a bad mood & I don't know why.
It's not PMS.
& I have no reason to be mad, it's just like everone seems to be getting on my nerves.

I keep putting myself down & acting all EMO & I hate it.

I'm really worried about everyone. In my family & my friends.

& I keep feeling like everyone is leaving me. idk everything feels soo distance.

since highschool started everything has changed.

the friends i had in 8th gared arn't really my friends anymore.

3 that bother me extremly badly is Kayla H., Brittany Bennett, & Alex Bogaert.
Kayla just seems like she's gotten too cool for me.
Brittany makes me feel worthless, like she has no time for people like me.
& Alex, idk i LOVE her with all my hreart. i love all of them with all my heart but everytime me & Alex talk about hanging out it just never happens.

I know that throughout my life I have mad ALOT of wrong choices, expecally regarding my friends, but throughout these experiences I have learned wrong from right & what to do & what not to do. & it's starting to seem like people won't give me another chance for me to prove that i'v changed.

lately I'v been feeling like I can't do anything right. & I know thats not true. but at the end of the day, no matter how good the hours before were, I always end up feeling like crap.

idk. maybe I just need someone to talk to.

I need to get out of this house & off of this computer.

I'm not used to change & everything has just changed so fast.
I wish everything was how it used to be.
I miss feeling content.

If you think you could help me possibly. please reply.

All My L♥Ve & Good Night,
Erika

thanksgiving update

2005-11-25T04:41:51Z

heyy ya'll

Kayyyyyy

I just realized that I MISS LJ!

It's thanksgiving. & i ate alot.

I hadn't talked to Evan in about a month & i talked to im today & yesterday. & i really miss him.

I think tomarrow i'm either hanging out wiht Cole & Catlin & some kids at the movies OR i'm going to Sam's house.

can;t wait.

i'v been really stressed ouit lately but things seem to be getting better.

I made a new few new friends :)

Today i give thanx to ANYONE & EVERYONE who was ever there for me in any way! my family, my firends & anyone who touched my life. I LOVE YOU GUYS SOOOO MUCH. TO MY FIRENDS WHO ARE GOING TO READ THIS: you honestly have NO idea how much ya'll mean to me! & i doubt you will ever understand. just know that i love ya'll & care about ya'll ALOT! :) &hearts;

<font size=+3>&hertas; Happy Thanksgiving &hearts; I Love You All &hearts;

dasndaoida BESST day ever!

2005-11-02T00:40:36Z

Ummmmmmmmmmm

I havn't been on this thing in like a year!

lol

weird.

I used to be soo obcesses with LJ.

I thought I'd just update ya'll.

TODAY was absolutly awesome!

<center>I really like Austin. & he likes me back. & I really like that. lol.

um.. as for Evan, I havn't talked to him. & i'm not even sure if he's still alive. if anyone knows where he is, can someone please update me on how he is since he won't.

um.. i'm over Evan, imean i havn't forgetten him & i still care about him, but i really want to persue a relationship with someone else *cough*cough* <s>Austin</s> lol.

hm.. I'd say things with me are going really good.

& I'm happy.

& I just want everyone to know that I REALLY FING LOVE MY FRIENDS WITH ALL MY HEART!

<center>&hearts;

♥ ♣ ♠ ♥ ♣ ♠ ♥ ♣ ♠ ♥ ♣

2005-09-30T00:14:57Z

.okay so let me update you.

Me&Evan broke up. kinda sad but it's def. for the better.& we both agree.

I dont' really like anyone. I think I kinda have a crush on Will. lol Evan friend.but idk

I just like attention.

tehe

but yeah... I'm still going to homecomming with Evan & I still love him :) still.

Will is going to NC tomarrow & he is going to be gone all weekend & I'm sad.& he is grounded so I can't talk to him tonight.

lol but anyway...friend life & family life is good.

school is gay & I'm soo excited that tomarrow is Friday! *yay football game* & *homecomming*

ugh.. I'm all out of things to say.

&hearts;

good night**

makeawishemokid @ 2005-09-10T10:03:00

2005-09-10T14:10:20Z

okay..
soo No party at Kayleigh's house lol
<3

well the show is still going on right????
I'm SSOO excited!!!!

?????who all is going??????

k all me friends kinda need to go please!!!!

lol as soon as i woke up i poped up & said to my little sister "show today, show today show today!"

:D
i
v been talking about this thing for like fvhsbvklfiov EVER

:)

& i don't even knw why i'm so excited!

hm.. Does Evan know that Kayleigh isn't having her party??
like i said he went to ome hotel party last night & i don' know where he is now. he was supposed to go to the show, but after he got mad at me, i'm not sure if he is going any more :(.
Well If anyone talks to him can you please tell him to go to the show?

alrighty.
well...
see ya'll later
<3333333

Regrerts are a waste of time.

2005-09-10T01:02:44Z

hhmmmmmmmm.

well bordom.

I thought about getting on this thing & updating one of my latest poems but then I changed my mind.

I'm probably going to go to Kaleigh's party & the rock show tomarrow. I REALLY hope Evan goes.

we kinda had a "hard time" today. & now he is at some hotel party with God knows who. I'm SO worried about him... BlAh

Well, i hope everyone was a great weekend.

good nite

makeawishemokid @ 2005-09-03T22:36:00

2005-09-04T02:52:49Z

wow.

I just noticed how old things get.

i used to write in the thing ALL the time!

I'd never miss a day!

it's crazy!

*nothing* ever happens thought so it seems pointless to write about a bunch of nothing.

hm.. i'm ganna try & write in this thing more often.

well if your wondering, me & Evan are doing good. & i'm just really hoping that this time things turn out different. but I guess we'll see. so far not much has changed. unfortunatly. we got into our first argument yesterday. it seems all too familar. & guess who started it?.....me.

hmm in other news. my dad might be moving back!!!!!! YAY

& me & all my friends that were drifting, arn't anymore KTHANX BRITTANY BENNETT :D

it's really cool. & i'm so happy :D

OHHHH Laguna Beach! lmao. DUDE I kinda LOVE that sh-crap!

hm.. Stephanie Anne May is at my house & we were just at my cousins 4th birthday party :D it was fun.

*SPECIAL ANNONCMENT*

to Meagan copeland & Brittany Bennett*

soory i couldn't go to the movies & to Meagan's house! I tried & i couldn't conger up any money. & i'm really sorry, i don't want ya'll to think I ditched ya'll or something! we all have to hang out soon though. :( *sorry again*

hmmkay.

Good nite ya'll

lmfao.Dieter.puke.

best day in a long time**

2005-08-27T05:27:27Z

Ugh. kinda going out with Evan Robert Wilder!

soo excited for that lol!

today was a REALLY good day & it sucked

*Evan tricked me& acted like he wasn't going to ask me out & I was mad at the world 2 & 3rd period until I saw him going into 4th & he asked me you :D & then I got home & I had to clean but the plus side is my awesome cousins came down, we went to the fish tank & the chicken pen lmao. long story. but yeah it was GREAT*

<3 August 26th 2005 <3

dude I missed Degrassi!! someone fill me in please!

k this is donzO

*good night*

pointless

2005-08-18T00:45:09Z

It kinda hurts to breath

& it's like nothing I do works.

plane & simple.

I just want *him* back forever.

makeawishemokid @ 2005-08-13T17:20:00

2005-08-13T21:52:31Z

I feel betray & useless

when nothings wrong

try to cheer myself up

reality is,

it's all gone.

writing pointless poems

drownding in self pitty

lying to myself

& feeling oh so shitty :)

this is the first time

i've ever felt this lonely

with so much to say

& only myself to blame

it seems everyones forgotten

but of what i'm still unsure

just another day,

laying half dead on the floor,

& I don't care anymore.

thats my emoness.

& i'm mad. kinda.

hm.. no use in fretting about it.

have a nice day

2005-07-31T22:26:56Z

*Orientation*

1st-English 1 with Wiliomson

2nd-- Earth & space science honors with Whitt

3rd--- Algibra 1a with dunno

4th---- Drawing & painting with dunno

I'm *SO* excited for skool!

Steph went with me. we saw Ryan, Jeffery, Luke, Cory, Evan Wilder, Sam Tilton, && gosh EVERYONE!

Evan is so flipping tall & skinny!! lol Luke cut his hair, looks pretty good. Jeffery, matured ALOT, quite cute. Cory, matured too :) Ryan, dude he got taller!! hmm what a hottie. no one really changed all that much.

OH & i cute my hair today. again. pretty cute.

um.. k excited.

ganna go now

comment if u have any of my classes!

it's just another bullet to the heart. but i'm no dead yet NIGGA *

2005-07-31T02:45:40Z

okay well i'm finally ungrounded.

I went to the mall wiht Stephanie today & had some fun. met some boy named Gaven.

& now we r just haning out & my mom & step dad are doing it or someing lmao EW i can hear them

kinda sick. but anyway...within a 2 week period nothing is going on! I talked to Evan Wilder a few times & i'v written alot lately but other then that nothing.

I got all my skool clothes & i'm so stoked for this new year.

lmao *.I think i'm in love.*

okay now the screaming stoped.

ganna go read me new Harry Potter book.

have a nice day.

Live. Learn. Love. Life.

2005-07-23T17:58:44Z

mmhhmm kay.

I hate boys.

I love Evan Wilder.

I love Staphanie May. I love Alexandra Bogaert. I love Brittany Bennett. I love Samantha Tilton. I love Brianne Martin. I love Jenai at the moment i can't remember her last name. I love Kathleen McGrisken. I love Ryan Hayden. I love Stephanie Bogaert. I love Alicia N. I love Kayla Hornstein. I love Catie Pizzetta.I love Ana U. I love all my 7th grade buddies. & I pretty much love all my friends. lol

I love food. & I love to flirt. I love to have fun & do crazy/stupid things.

I hate it when parents ground you for something stupid! but I love my parents & family.

I love church & I hate to read.

I love the beach* & big wide open spaces.

I love contry music & rock&roll, Ashlee simpson is my idol

my favorite color is Red, it reminds me of blood.

I love tv. Laugina beach & Degrassi & The Ashlee Simpson show *rock my sox*

I love animals! I'd die for a horse! I have 3 dogs. 1 cat. 1 rooster. & 1 duck!

I love to fish & hunt & go mudding. but i love the AC :)

I love making new friends. & I tend to burp alot.

I'm very open & outgoing. I say what I think unless it's really mean.

I goal in life to to have fun & I cherrish ever breath taking moment I find.

I love writting. poetry. song. anything. & i'm quite creative. I love to draw & when i grow up i want to be a singer & have a rock star boyfriend :)

I'v been in love & I still am.

&& I don't know exactly why i'm writting all this. I guess I just felt like it.

well.. I'm ganna go now i'm all out of things to write.

.::<3::.

comment please

I dream about this very moment.

2005-07-19T20:44:28Z

hey ya'll

Stephanies party was AWESOME!

but right after i got grouded & i'm grounded until' the 30th!!

so i won't be on for a while.

so leave me alot of comments so i'll actuall;y have something to do when i get back on.

well I like Chris :) :) :)

oh & Evan Wilder called me today. :( :( i told him i still loved him.

well only a few more weeks til' skool. i'm kinda excited. i wonder who is going to be in my classes. i think i'm going skool shopping tomarrow.

okay well have a nice day everyone.

& i love u all.

.::<3::.

.::Tomarrows another day. & I'm thursty anyway. So bring on the rain::.

2005-07-14T07:09:42Z

It's offical

I love him.

It's been 4 months since we broke up & still I cry almost as hard as when it first happened.

& still I insist on making myself cry more. that one song. I insist on downloading it. it makes me cry.

the first time i'v cryed in about 2 months. & through all this crap thats going on with my family which none of my friends know the whole story to, all I want is to be with him.

I just found out they broke up, on the fourth. & I just found out like 3 days ago from Trae.

Yeah I know, make up your mind right? well I can't! I get these little crushes like Chris & Emerick (who I don't even know!) & Ethan. but in the end my mind always ends up on the same person.(& if u can't figure out who it is, u got some problems)

I just need something. anything I can hold on to. I'm falling apart. "& no body knows it but me"

.ganna go cry myself to sleep.

beach beach Jared Chris* have a ball. moseltop.

2005-07-13T01:01:44Z

I went to the beach with my sister yesterday. & saw Jared & Dixon & hung out.

I went to the beach with my sister & Stephanie May today. saw Jared & Chris & hung out with them from like 11:30 til 3:30. we had SO much fun!!!!! I think I like Chris. he has to get brain surgery. :( but I hope he gets out okay because I really love hanging out wiht him.

It was just like last time when Jared & Steph were going out & me & Chris kissed :D I love hanging out with them! it is so much fun & I'm so comfortable around them, there like my brothers except hot & I'd date them hahaha.

Me & Steph decided that we share everything except a tooth brush hahaha dude I love that girl! haha awe JT. lmao.

dude i'm burnt like a lobster.

yess Stephanie's party is Saturday!! i'm so excited!

everything is going GREAT! except stuff with my parents. but we won't talk about that.

*hm.. Emerick...Chris....this is so exciting!*

I love that I am able to finally have fun & live my life like I'v always wanted!

but there is always a down fall........

good nite.

.like a chicken with it's head cut off. you giving my a heart attack

2005-07-10T06:48:49Z

*okay my eyes are officially addicted to Visine.*

& me & Brianne are offically friends again, something has gotten into her but I hope it stays. maybe it's the movie. haha

we talked & she helped me & I know what I want & i'm not going to let anything stop me :) ::thanx Brianne::

in other news..

I like being single. But I want something more...

my EmoKidWish of th year is to find a guy that I become really good friends with & us end up falling in love & living happily ever after. *sigh*

ppshh. like that will ever happen....... (well it definately won't if i tell myslef it won't) *sorry a little out loud persuasion*

I just wish that for once, the next guy I got out with won't lie to me! I tell them all, "all I want is honesty". & of course for them to care, & I havn't seen it yet.

..............good nite...............

"& it feels like heaven is so far away."*********

2005-07-07T03:20:23Z

hey i'm at Brittany Bennett's house right now & Stephanie Bogaert.

Steph is playing Tony Hawk.

Britt is reading for her honors class.

& i'm talking to Garrett.

I finally feel better today! no throwing up. yay

Kyle called me & woke me up this morning at 1 & i'm still mad about this whole situation but i'm just going to shut up about it.

hm.. i'm just ganna let everything out right now. because I just am.

I miss Evan Wilder.

I'm sick of drama!

i'm sick of my bipolar sickness.

i'm sick of never having anything to do!

& i'm really sick of feeling left out!

I hate it when I try to fix everything for everyone else & then getting shit in return!

I hate what i'm turning into.

I hate it when people complain! *all the time*

I hate it when people worry.

& I hate it that I don't have you.

& thats all folks

.good nite.

IF THESE POP-UP DON'T STOP! I'LL BREAK THIS COMPUTER!

2005-07-06T05:26:28Z

DUDE!
I'm in like the best mood!
but for some odd reason,
I feel like screwing it up.

*The next breath taking moment I find, I'm killing myself*

[edit] & thats a joke. not being serious. [edit]

I'v never loved the fourth of July this much.

2005-07-05T18:06:39Z

the beach was AWESOME!

yyyyyeeessssssssssssss!!! I had soo much fun!!

I hung out with Catlin & Stephanie M. & Alex B. & Stephanie B. & Stephanie W. & Daniel & Hannah & some kid Alex & Blake & Cole & Marc & Brittany B. & Brittany P. & Lizzy & Garrett &&& EVERYONE

I got duncked in the ocean but Garrett! with my clothes on! it was so much fun tho!

then I watched the fireworks across from Sallys with all me wonderful friends. *I hung out with Catlin alot*

I saw Evan Wilder. :( . but I didn't talk to him like an idiot!

well i'm ganna go now. I hope all of ya'll had fun!

hm.. i'm going to watch WillyWonka with Stephanie Anne May now. i'm probably going to hang out with Brittany Bennett some time.

One Way Ticket

2005-07-04T00:19:45Z

*new computer!! & new s/n!!*

Waste Your Time3

^ thats my new s/n

dude this new computer is so high tech I don't even know what to think! & I can download music & it's got a web cam! & i can talk to please thought just a microphone if they have one) it's awesome! haha. I know what a geek.

but anyway...

Tomarrow=the 4th of July=the Beach?=fun?

hopefully I can go. & that reminds me I need to talk to Stephanie. I think we are supposed to go together or something...

I'm bored. I need to get out more.

Bye Ya'll

& i'm sick of my sickness.....................

2005-07-02T19:02:19Z

dude i'm sick!

I threw up twice & I feel like crap.

I'm so bored

& theres like 564738678 people here that I don't even know!

anyone wanna hang out or talk?

call me or comment.

I might not be on the computer as much anymore because it has a virus.

so ur probably better off callin' me.

have a nice day.